News - Ubisoft @ E3

- Ubisoft @ E3 -

A summary of sorts

Farcry 4

Nnnnnheelllloo

Start strong and open with a bang is a good philosophy ey. So here we are watching an intro cutscene of some unseen manface on a bus in the Himalayas and ooooo there's a monkey there trying to steal your passport. First things first the game looks rather nice from what they're showing now, so the trailer goes like this - You're on a  bus and then there's a checkpoint and people get shot and then the bad guy shows up and is once again quite mad (but let's be honest he's not Vaas) and then he stabs some guard because....something. The old ones are the best for Ubisoft I guess since this is running a lot like Farcry 3, annnnnnyway they didn't show us anything other than this cutscene and it ends with the villain telling us we're going to have so much fun together whatever that means..just keep waiting for the Sony conference since that's where all the juice is for this game.

Aisha Tyler strides onto the stage to greet the masses

Quake beneath my mighty tread!

EUGHHHHHH but at least she seems somewhat genuine unlike some of the other presenters they shove on stage. Also it seems that swearing is totally fucking professional for Ubisoft so fuckin ey right.

    

Just Dance 2015

Twat central

Do you know why I despise these trailers? It's because they're hyper unrealistic, firstly nobody has friends like that, nobody plays games like that and who the hell has that much living room space to fit 12 people in their mid 20's pretending to have fun and cheer each other on with hip young phrases!? Not only is all of this just horrendous BUT we were forced to bare witness to an awful collection of people on stage dancing with their damn phones because that's right you don't even need a console to play this now just a smart phone with a gyroscope in it and friends who don't mind dancing like twats. Oh there's also this great new feature where you can download other peoples dance videos and judge them like the awful person you are. Awful awful person

The Division

What year is this!?

No gameplay to see here instead it's a whole new trailer of a guy getting shit kicked then saved by the resistance and then future nazi soldiers or something appear to try and kill you because this whole shebang is the result of a virus of some description and you need to be purged I guess. The trailer was pretty good though, not because of any of that but because it starts with an apartment interior and pans around constantly changing from pre-incident to post-incident which was interesting to see how quickly it changed in the months between from apartment to fortified living space and from city to warzone.

The Crew

My oh my, what a big wing you have...

Well well well it's good to see this game again. For those not in the know The Crew is a form of MMO-driving game where you can drive from coast to coast (in the U.S) with absolutely no loading screens and set up races and other unknown activities with your Crew/group of friends. Sadly not much more to see this year but the cars are indeed shiny and the beta registration is open now and oh yea it comes out November 11th for Xbox One, PS4 and PC.

Assassin's Creed Unity

Duck, dodge, dip, dive and dodge

This time we get to see some more gameplay in the form of a co-op trailer. At a first glance the free running has been improved and looks much more fluid when traversing a city and your hidden blade has been all fancified just like your gun which has two barrels because Assassin's. Speaking of which there are no ladysassin's in this game which I'm sure Tumblr will just have a field day with.

We get to see Mr. Arnold stalking through a building looking for the target and it's here that we see what I'm pretty sure is a new snap to cover system and actual crouching, I could be wrong about these being new but either way they work and again the stalking looks smooth enough right now. It's also interesting to that there was no mini-map on the screen, instead it looked like you could flash up icons directly in game, I can only assume that you'll be able to set waypoints to them that way...or they were just hiding the minimap.

Shape Up mother fucker!

WORK YOU SLACKERS

No prizes for guessing that this is a fitness game given the name and all...The pitch for this was making fitness fun which having spent a lot of time in gym with people trying to motivate me to move my lazy arse is something I know cannot be done through conventional means. The difference is that in the game you can punch asteroids or do some kind of dance dance revolution style thing or do sit-ups till you shit yourself. All this can be done either against your past performances or against a friend both of which sound equally hellish and yes this is the first game to use the Kinect or even mention it whichhhhh is quite the shocker. It raises many interesting questions though, can fitness be gamified? Does gamification change our perception of the subject? Could you really do a press-up with a whale on your back? Hmmmmm

Valiant Hearts

I am a man with manly tears!

Definitely takes the prize for most depressing trailer of the show god damn, go watch it. Made in the UbiArt engine, the same one used for Child of Light and Rayman Legends, this visually stunning game set during World War 1 tells the tale of war from a dogs perspective (I think). It was a bit confusing to see so just go watch it and be saddened by it. It looks fantastic and you'll be able to play it June 25th.

Yves Guillemot is small

I don't know who made this but I love you

We love you alllll blah blah blah well done to us we're Ubisoft OH and here's one more game...

Rainbow Six Siege

So many dicks will be shot into the walls..I can see it now

Well bugger me I didn't see this one coming at all, maybe a new Splinter Cell or..something but wow here we are with a new Rainbow Six game on the tables. The 'gameplay' we got to see was allegedly alpha or pre-alpha or conceptual alpha or something but I'd bet my bollocks to a barn dance that they're full of shit, alpha doesn't look anywhere close to that good and once again it's a tactical shooter with some awful voice chat going on. 

A simple hostage rescue is the premise of the gameplay here, to make life easier we'll call the teams the Terrorists and the Counter-Terrorists. The game begins with the CT's scoping out the house with mini remote controlled cameras and planning the assault with maps of the house looking for entry points, while this is going on the T's are fortifying weak walls and barricading doors and if at all possible destroying the mini cameras sent in by the CT's. Assumedly after a certain amount of time has elapsed it's all systems go as the CT's get into position to bust in through a window or blow a hole in the side of the house.

Tactical team shooter y'all that's what we're dealing with here, if you get shot you're probably going down on the ground and if somebody doesn't pick you up in 5 seconds you're out for the round and your team will hate you so don't fuck it up. The interesting or potentially awesome thing about this game is that they were showing a lot of destructibility within the house, more than just shooting holes in walls, you can use your breach explosives to bust giant holes in walls or better yet you can blow a hole in the ceiling and descend like an angel of death into the room amidst the confusion.

It looks like it will be a lot of fun assuming you've got a group of friends to play with who all use voice comms and will essentially role play..yea have fun with that. No date on this one but I would guess late 2015 and hopefully it looks great and plays as fun as they've made it look with this.

END!

Summary

Bravo Ubisoft you actually had a good conference with minimal cringing brought on by bad scripting...Sony next up!